The Perspective From Dirshu’s N’shei Chayil at Kabbolas Shabbos Event
It was two days before Shavuos, a time when their respective to-do lists were easily a mile long, but for the wives, mothers, daughters and sisters of Dirshu’s lomdim, nothing was a higher priority on June 9th than being at the Prudential Center for the Kinnus Olam HaTorah Kabbolas Shabbos.
While Dirshu is a men’s learning program, the reality is that it is a family affair for most participants. Wives step up to the plate on a daily basis, taking full responsibility for household affairs, whether it is putting children to sleep without any help, getting those same kids off to school in the morning, or both, and the everyday complications that can arise without warning in any family are dealt without any assistance if they fall out during Dirshu hours. Even small children grow up knowing that that there are times during the day that their fathers are unavailable because Dirshu is sacrosanct, taking precedence over everything else for its lomdim. Similarly, simchas, family outings and other activities are all planned around the Dirshu testing schedule, because missing a bechinah just isn’t an option.
Given that level of commitment, it comes as no surprise that 2,000 women and girls voluntarily left their many Shavuos preparations on the back burner in order to participate in the Dirshu ma’amad, knowing full well that they would have to burn the midnight oil to make up for the time they spent shepping nachas from their lomdim. Filling over a dozen sections of the Prudential Center, those who flocked to the Dirshu ezras nashim came from Boro Park, Lakewood, Monsey, Flatbush, New Square, Williamsburg and from numerous other communities in the Tri-State area and beyond to show their support for their family members. And anyone who thought that the women and girls who filled the ezras nashim were merely spectators at the sold-out event would have been sadly mistaken, because there is no doubt that their daily support and countless sacrifices are an essential component of Dirshu’s success.
With Kabbolas HaTorah 5784 less than 72 hours away, the achdus that was evident in the women’s sections of the Prudential Center echoed the assemblage at Har Sinai. The ponytailed girls and teens in their school uniforms, the young marrieds gazing raptly at the video screens, and the proud grandmothers beaming broadly jointly represented the many faces of Klal Yisroel, and a wide variety of communities. Yet the differences in their demographics evaporated into the background, with the women and girls of Dirshu united k’ish echad b’lev echad in their single-minded commitment to limud Torah.
The energy that crackled in the air from the moment the doors opened at 5:30 PM was evident in Newark until the last participant spilled out onto the streets after 11 PM. Throughout the kinnus, there were women standing out on the concourse pouring out their hearts to the Ribono Shel Olam – some earnestly davening Mincha or Maariv, while others were silently murmuring Tehillim. The waves of spontaneous joy that had the men rising from their seats, their hands clasped together as they swayed exuberantly in time to the music after the siyum on Cheilek Bais of Mishnah Berurah flowed behind the curtain as well. While some clapped, hummed and sang along softly, a group of girls standing out on the concourse joined hands on the spur of the moment doing a spirited dance of their own celebrating the never-ending commitment to limud Torah.
With Dirshu placing significant time demands on its lomdim, it would stand to reason that those realities might prove difficult for their family members. But for the women and girls of Dirshu, nothing could have been farther from the truth.
“My family knows that we are Dirshu, and that everything stops there,” said Mrs. Malky Grinberger of Boro Park, whose husband has been part of Dirshu for years. “No matter what is going on, Dirshu is the magic word. We say ‘Dirshu’ and everything stops.”
Mrs. Yides Krausz of Monsey came to the kinnus along with her daughter Chevy to celebrate her husband and her son, both Dirshu participants. Father and son are on the phone constantly discussing Dirshu, and whenever there is a test coming up, they learn together and challenge each other. Once the bechinah is behind them, the two compare answers asking each other “what did you write for this one?”
“The week before a test, my father is fully involved, no responsibilities,” said Chevy Krausz. “He is in shul learning and learning and we are so proud. We would never want to call him and bother him while he is learning, because we know how important it is.”
An upcoming pidyon haben in Brooklyn scheduled for the same day as a Dirshu test had the Krauszes thinking creatively.
“Maybe we will go and he will take the test there,” suggested Mrs. Krausz. “There are so many things that we work around them. It is a zechus to be part of the Dirshu family. It has transformed our family in so many ways.”
Chevy Krausz recalled how she felt when she and her mother attended Dirshu’s first major siyum event.
“We kept feeling like we wish Tatty would be doing Dirshu,” she shared. “Now he is part of it and we are here with such excitement.”
That same ironclad commitment is part of the life of the Waldman family from Monsey. Rabbi Waldman, who is part of kollel chatzos, goes to sleep early each evening so that he can learn in the middle of the night, a situation that proved problematic when the first Waldman grandson was in shidduchim. He had been dating someone seriously and while it seemed apparent that a mazel tov was looming, the timetable moved along faster than the Waldmans had expected.
“My daughter called at 8 o’clock to tell me what was happening and she was going to postpone the l’chaim until the next day since my husband was already asleep, but I told her she couldn’t do that,” recalled Mrs. Waldman. “I let her speak to my husband who was half asleep and we made it to the l’chaim. The next time we had a mazel tov with a grandchild’s l’chaim, I had to wake him up again.”
“We are so grateful for Dirshu that we just make it work whenever we have a simcha or anything else,” said Mrs. Goldy Pal of New Square whose husband, sons and son in law all learn in Dirshu programs. “They live with Dirshu and we get the electricity from them.”
One Boro Park woman who came to the kinnus who asked to remain anonymous shared the story of her expectant niece, whose husband gives a daily Dirshu shiur.
“She was in labor, but it wasn’t progressing and my niece told her husband to go and give his shiur since nothing was happening,” said the woman, who has multiple family members learning in Dirshu programs. “He went to give the shiur, and all of a sudden, things started moving along. My nephew came back from saying his shiur just in time for the birth.”
There are no snow days, sick days or vacation for Dirshu families, who are committed heart and soul to limud Torah. One Monsey woman shared that because her husband works during the week, he dedicates Sunday to Dirshu. He spends the entire day learning, coming home from 6 to 6:15 to eat supper before going back out to continue learning. She admits that being fully responsible for the entire family all day, every Sunday, can be difficult, but she wouldn’t have it any other way.
Those thoughts were echoed by Mrs. Faigy Taub of Flatbush, whose husband gives an early morning Dirshu shiur before going to work, and a phone shiur at night. Keeping her children quiet during the teleconference in a small apartment is often challenging. Similarly, keeping everyone happy, entertained on productive falls entirely on her shoulders on Shabbos afternoons, when her husband is completely immersed in his learning.
“No matter what, Torah is first,” said Mrs. Taub. “In the heat of the moment it might be hard, but I know that I never lose out because my husband is learning. I am not giving up anything - I get so much out of his learning.”
Many of the women who came to the Prudential Center had no relatives who are part of Dirshu, but they joined the ma’amad to be part of an impactful gathering for Olam HaTorah.
A pair of twenty-somethings shared that they couldn’t understand some of the divrei chizuk that were in Yiddish, but that they were still grateful to have been part of such a powerful event. One woman confided that her husband isn’t learning with Dirshu, but that she hopes he will be in the near future, while another just said wistfully, “I wish I could be part of Dirshu.”
A Boro Park rebbetzin shared that her husband is a well-known dayan and a toen, as well as a Dirshu participant. She proudly described how her children see with their own eyes that limud Torah is an integral part of their father’s day to day existence.
“They know, they see – Tatty is doing Dirshu,” she noted. “It is his thing, something that he has to do every single day, and he is never without a sefer, no matter where we are or where we go. That is life and that is what my children see. And it doesn’t take away from me – not at all – just the opposite.”
While in some instances, sons join Dirshu after seeing their fathers involved in the program, it was quite the opposite for one Boro Park family. Mrs. Zissy Kugelman explained that her son was involved with Dirshu testing in Lakewood and that the program was so much a part of his life that he convinced his father to shift his learning over to a Dirshu program as well. She noted laughingly that every time the family tries to make plans to go somewhere, it turns out to be on the day of a Dirshu bechinah.
“It happens, but we’re so happy to reschedule, because we’re so proud of him,” said Mrs. Kugelman. “Our family trips always revolve around Dirshu.”
Being part of Dirshu isn’t always easy, but that is a reality that Gitty Fink of Boro Park, whose husband and two sons are all Dirshu lomdim, is more than happy to embrace.
“It is very empowering for a woman to know that if her husband or her son stick to their learning schedules, that is something that is very much worth sacrificing for, because there are so many people out there whose husbands work late hours for different things,” said Mrs. Fink. “If you’re going to be sacrificing anyway, you might as well sacrifice for limud Torah.”
With so many different learning programs, and participants of all ages hailing from all walks of life, there is no doubt that the being part of Dirshu can be a different type of experience for every family. Yet there was one prevailing sentiment that seemed to echo throughout the ezras nashim at the Prudential Center – an immense sense of pride in being part of Dirshu.
“My husband retired 20 years ago,” said Mrs. D’vora Weissberg of Monsey. “People said he would be bored, but the accountability gives him that energy and stamina and keeps him going. Dirshu doesn’t just fill his day – it elevates his day, his life. The sipuk that he gets - that we get – is amazing.”